change is inevitable but progress is not. sometimes we try our best to accept the change and move forward but being humans, we simply cant erase our memories. Nightmares, fears and insecurities...all have same roots. Dig in and you will find an incident behind our daily responses....like i said we cnt remove our memories...our beloved ones...our parts.

I have crossed all lines! Right now it feels good but i know time makes you pay for every little joy. Sometimes we run after things that we can have and the moment we get them we look back and get amazed at our journey. Life takes unexpected turns. Who can say what it will bring in future? i never knew this year will change my personality! i never knew things will change so much that it will be difficult to understand what life was one year back. This is what life is. It changes continually. We act like stupids when we get worried about future! what ever has to come will come and the best of way of getting through time is accepting it silently....

Matthew Perryman Jones - Feels Like I'm Letting Go

Oh my love
help me open my heart again
tear it open let the rain fall in
wash this hardness underneath my skin
oh my love
let me hear your voice come through
I wanna know the love inside of you
make this dark heart believe in what is true


I know that in the dark there's a fear of letting go
I know that in my heart that I fear what I don't know


and this feels like I'm letting go
and this feels like I'm letting go
I'm letting go


t's hard to trust
when your hearts been broken times before
you pull the curtains and you lock the doors
swear you'll never go out anymore


Bm
well I'm stepping out
I can't see there is no sound
a seeming void becomes a solid ground
I sight I lost becomes a faith I've found


I'm letting go, I'm letting go
I'm letting go, I'm letting go
I'm letting go, I'm letting go
letting go, I'll let it go

Bird York - In The Deep

18th of december!

certainly somethings are lost forever but the pain lingers on. I still remember the moment i heard about your demise. It was so sudden and unexpected that i couldn't utter a single word.I was unable to cry and i felt that i can't stand on my feet anymore. i remember how i closed my eyes and fell on the ground. I still remember that for the first time in my life i didn't know what this fact actually meant. I looked around myself and saw tears every where. It was freaking cold and my hands and feet were cold. My mind acted in a weird way and i started believing that its just a bad dream and i am gonna wake up! people start coming in. some were crying and some were happy. I saw all of them. I couldn't utter even a single word. I was angry and i didn't want to cry. I just wanted to remain angry. I wanted to fight with the universe for doing this to me. and then i saw you lying on your death bed. Damn you were still smiling!  i wanted to wake you up and my mind was so freaked out that i swear i saw you breathing! i wanted to tell everyone that you are alive and nobody needs to cry. i so wanted to touch your face but i knew that nobody would allow me to touch you. I remember all of it. I was sitting right behind you when people came to take you away. I wanted to stop them and kiss you for the very last time. I didn't want to let you go away but i couldn't say anything! i never felt so helpless in my entire life!  i started running after them and i crossed the threshold and i was standing in the cold and i saw you going away...that was the last time i saw you!  

5 years have passed and i still cant believe that you are not with me. i still dream that you are alive and you have come back! 

i wish i could accept the reality. 

i miss you more and more with every passing day. You are right here within me. 

I miss myself...i miss you dad!

....that is why it is so important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don’t expect to get anything back, don’t expect recognition for your efforts, don’t expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of bride, inability to arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are."
Zahir by Paulo Coleho

but how can you forget parts of your soul and entire existence? ??

I wish I knew how to quit you!


-Brokeback Mountain