Whenever something comes in my way i stop for a moment to think about the way i should respond. Why do we have to give "normal" responses? why we can't be open and honest with ourselves and yeah...also with others. Why people have these walls around themselves and why do they try to be so strong when they are not? i think about it and i just know one thing for sure that i hate hypocrisy. I am what i am and i don't want to hide my feelings. If i am getting affected by something why should i hide it? ???
Having said that i just want to get to the fact...! to the truth that's troubling me . Yeah i am gonna miss you in a way that i can't make myself understand. I asked myself that why i am gonna miss you, when i ignored you so much when you were here! i asked myself again and again that your departure won't change anything in my life..in my routine. I'll be busy like before..perhaps i would try to make myself busy more than ever. So it doesn't matter if you are here or thousand miles away...! it shouldn't matter...! logically and practically
But guess what???... this rationalization won't change the fact that i am gonna miss you..m already missing you..terribly..horribly.. hating myself for ignoring you like this. Duh! it's not the kind of story that i wanted to have with you...it's creepy and weird.
But i am afraid i don't have any choice over here.
Well i should pretend that i am really happy that you are going and i should give you a big smile and a gift...and wish you luck and all those "Normal" things that people do...
but the problem is that i am not normal..so m not gonna pretend that i am happy for you and i wont meet you on airport...but yeah i'll buy a gift for you cz i think it would be terribly cold over there and i want you to remain warm...with or without me!
P.S i hate you for not telling me that you are going...hearing it from mom was the worst thing that you ever did to me!
Having said that i just want to get to the fact...! to the truth that's troubling me . Yeah i am gonna miss you in a way that i can't make myself understand. I asked myself that why i am gonna miss you, when i ignored you so much when you were here! i asked myself again and again that your departure won't change anything in my life..in my routine. I'll be busy like before..perhaps i would try to make myself busy more than ever. So it doesn't matter if you are here or thousand miles away...! it shouldn't matter...! logically and practically
But guess what???... this rationalization won't change the fact that i am gonna miss you..m already missing you..terribly..horribly.. hating myself for ignoring you like this. Duh! it's not the kind of story that i wanted to have with you...it's creepy and weird.
But i am afraid i don't have any choice over here.
Well i should pretend that i am really happy that you are going and i should give you a big smile and a gift...and wish you luck and all those "Normal" things that people do...
but the problem is that i am not normal..so m not gonna pretend that i am happy for you and i wont meet you on airport...but yeah i'll buy a gift for you cz i think it would be terribly cold over there and i want you to remain warm...with or without me!
P.S i hate you for not telling me that you are going...hearing it from mom was the worst thing that you ever did to me!
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