18th of december!

certainly somethings are lost forever but the pain lingers on. I still remember the moment i heard about your demise. It was so sudden and unexpected that i couldn't utter a single word.I was unable to cry and i felt that i can't stand on my feet anymore. i remember how i closed my eyes and fell on the ground. I still remember that for the first time in my life i didn't know what this fact actually meant. I looked around myself and saw tears every where. It was freaking cold and my hands and feet were cold. My mind acted in a weird way and i started believing that its just a bad dream and i am gonna wake up! people start coming in. some were crying and some were happy. I saw all of them. I couldn't utter even a single word. I was angry and i didn't want to cry. I just wanted to remain angry. I wanted to fight with the universe for doing this to me. and then i saw you lying on your death bed. Damn you were still smiling!  i wanted to wake you up and my mind was so freaked out that i swear i saw you breathing! i wanted to tell everyone that you are alive and nobody needs to cry. i so wanted to touch your face but i knew that nobody would allow me to touch you. I remember all of it. I was sitting right behind you when people came to take you away. I wanted to stop them and kiss you for the very last time. I didn't want to let you go away but i couldn't say anything! i never felt so helpless in my entire life!  i started running after them and i crossed the threshold and i was standing in the cold and i saw you going away...that was the last time i saw you!  

5 years have passed and i still cant believe that you are not with me. i still dream that you are alive and you have come back! 

i wish i could accept the reality. 

i miss you more and more with every passing day. You are right here within me. 

I miss myself...i miss you dad!